May 28, 2009

ah, home

home, sweet home. how do you know you're home? i know how you know. you have a clean asshole, that's how.

who really cleans their asshole while they're out of town? i don't mean a splash on the pan, i'm talking about an all good get up right in there ass cleaning. ahhh, yes, home.

-e

Posted by eviljack in reality at 05:52 PM

November 23, 2008

losers of yesterday, meet losers of today: just like you, only different

it's good to know that the 80s el33ts are alive and strong as ever. witness these classic "nfo notes" for the "group release" of a gnr chinese democracy retail disc rip:

Is this the most most mostest awaited album of all time??!?

Maybe?!?!

Explicit Retail baby. If you dont trust and want scans,
just ask.
This red star on the cd looks too much communist btw...

FUCK YOU AXL. AND FUCK THE HATERS!

LONG LIVE TO THE OLD SKEWL.

WE THE KINGS. NEVER FORGET!

ps. Forum/P2P posters stop taking credits for work you
didn't do!! respect our -TAG

it's been so long since there was any sort of reason to behave like this, it makes you wonder: are these people who are actually romantic about the "losers of yesterday", or are they just so stupid they perpetuate a loser culture without even realizing it?

-e

Posted by eviljack in reality at 09:35 PM

November 09, 2008

o.m.g.

http://blogs.zdnet.com/Burnette/?p=680

anyone who knows anything about unix, please explain to everyone else why this is absolutely the worst thing ever.

-e

Posted by eviljack in reality at 12:40 AM

November 01, 2008

credit crisis 2008

"as in a poker game where the chips were concentrated in fewer and fewer hands, the other fellows could stay in the game only by borrowing. when their credit ran out, the game stopped."

marriner s. eccles, 1951

-e

Posted by eviljack in quote at 12:04 AM

April 07, 2008

your names are dumb

"mara". the name mara, in the readings of buddhism, essentially means "evil bitch from hell". which brings me to my point: this nickname is retarded.

mara is short for tamara, but not really, because it doesn't cut "tamara" short, it cuts tamara before it even begins. this is not a nickname, this is the suffix of a name.

i will prove that this is stupid empirically. let's say that i wanted you to go to the kitchen, but instead i told you to go to then "chen". you would have no idea what i'm talking about, and therefore anyone who asks me to call them "mara" should be shot.

it should be law that anyone who arbitrarily truncates the first half of their name is required to be called "asshole" until they die. this actor who calls himself "topher grace" has adopted what must be the dumbest name of all time, and his credits would be a lot less offensive if it was listed as "asshole grace" instead. children all over the world would appreciate this fine name in the credits for win a date with ted hamilton, spiderman 3, and other crappy movies full of assholes.

you might be asking by this point, if someone named christopher can't call themselves topher, is it ok for them to call themselves chris? of course it is, this is a stupid question. "chris" is the beginning of a name, and by calling people "chris" we increase the efficiency of our communication without introducing any ambiguity. plus, we flaunt our capacity for being lazy, which as we all know is the true american dream.

then there are people named "robert" that call themselves "bob". this is possibly the most dickhead move you could make. this isn't a prefix, it isn't even a suffix, this is just plain re-writing. to all "bobs", "jacks", and "bills" who weren't born with the name, a better re-writing of your name would be "fuck you".

-e

Posted by eviljack in reality at 11:03 PM

February 15, 2008

x300

evidently, vista is so "made for portables" that notebook manufacturers now see fit to separate out vista battery life -- at a reduced value of about 1 hour. this is what happens when a bunch of people become millionaires and retire.

hit the feature set hard, but slap on a wimp of a 1.2ghz processor and hope nobody notices. but the screen is hot, the form is good, and they even bothered to integrate a camera while still not being apple.

at least people who fucking hate iphones have something they can buy that doesn't suck.

-e

Posted by eviljack in reality at 09:54 PM

January 18, 2008

geezer plays footy but it's all pants

there is something very "rolling stones" about london. you regularly walk down narrow, dark streets that have an industrial, run-down feel. streets like this are to be avoided in new york, but in london they are the norm.

grown men ride scooters, but somehow they do not magically turn gay. and you wouldn't know it even if they did, because in london your gaydar is broken. indians wear the same tom selleck mustaches, but speak in native british accents instead of "thank you mr. jack" 7-11 speak. about 15% of all people look like keith richards.

instead of bars we have pubs, and instead of tips, "expensive" comes free with every purchase. there are no taxis driven by muslims, instead there are black cabs driven by men with high education.. or from kenya. and while there are illegal cabs, in london they drive shitty japanese cars.

and yet, after enough visits, there is an appeal about this inverted city that grows on you slowly. but steadily.

-e

Posted by eviljack in reality at 04:04 PM

May 02, 2007

minority report

"i got my job through affirmative action."
-david bradford, white american nyc taxi driver, tonight

books here and here.

-e

Posted by eviljack in quote at 11:37 AM

April 18, 2007

two days after the worst shooting in u.s. history ever

the incident is neither as shallow as you assumed it to be, nor as deep as the shooter believed it was. some things to note:

- the so-called 'manifesto' was not just premediated, but laboringly planned.

- the shooter reads written text in the video lectures filmed of himself. he does not speak to the camera directly or improvise in any of the released footage.

- the shooter was an english major.

- initial reports have proclaimed the spoken monologues to be 'incoherent ramblings' -- and other labels which really mean either "i was too lazy to try and make sense out of anything written above a 7th grade level" or "i am too stupid".

- no matter how unfortunate, the writings clearly indicate a metaphorical and dramatized view of the world, which philosophiques will compulsively need to comb over for much more time than is morally appropriate.

- in the grand tradition of american culture, blame will be sought after, and fingers will be pointed by all. accusations are already being raised as to whether critical errors were made by entities such as the police, the mental hospital he stayed in for some time, the school's english department, the shooter's native country, the university, and interestingly enough all possible people other than the shooter himself. remember, america is the land where it is never your fault.

- it is a testament to the predictably programmed nature of our culture that someone could so assuredly push a philosophy into our system of information mass-distribution. it is more than reasonable to assume that the murdering spree was not the end but the means; the vehicle to force a righteous lecture upon all americans. it is embarrassing to watch an industry so self-obsessed that it cannot resist pouncing on such obvious bait.

- by exploiting that which was intended for exploitation, has our media already wastefully rewarded the shooter with the exact prize he had aimed to achieve? is it morally wrong to suggest that the greed of our industries may have caused the victims of this shooting to have died in vain?

-e

Posted by eviljack in reality at 11:28 PM

March 17, 2007

good bad and queen

pretty good, but every time i put it on, i realize i just wish i was listening to gorillaz.

-e

Posted by eviljack in reality at 12:55 PM

March 14, 2007

a win for the free market

for anyone who builds systems, it's about to be a good time to be a buyer.

it turns out that a very healthy number of players in a high-volume, commoditized market is two.

the intel vs. amd war is raging well, and this article does a pretty good job of explaining why consumers are about to win. for a relatively low price, builders are about to have access to low-heat, fast, multicore chips with a good amount of headroom.

in graphics, amd has interestingly enough become the second player as well, after acquiring ati and taking the reins against nvidia. amd arrived just in time for a delayed r600 and a good thumping by nvidia's 8000 series. nvidia, much like intel, is now prepping to launch the remaining low-to-mid segment of their new architecture, essentially rendering all previous generation chips both unnecessary and obsolete.

amd is late on delivery, low on headroom, and short on output capacity. in both cases. why the penchant for masochism? the parallels make you wonder what disturbing events happened early in amd's childhood. not only is amd bad at picking marriages, but abusive relationships seem to turn it on.

and if only this perverted love triangle didn't stop there. not only do we have intel vs. amd and amd vs. nvidia, but we also have nvidia vs. intel - in the chipset space. intel's dated 975X and poorly positioned P965 are lacking, most noticably in FSB headroom, but also in PCIe lanes. nvidia's hopeful 680i addresses both of these gaps and adds some extra candy, but early stability issues and lackluster RAID performance confuse the situation further. here we have a more even match, and with the forthcoming bearlake boards, buyers should expect another win.

it is most disappointing that we do not have two real players in the apu space. maybe this is the real reason we haven't seen a PCIe x-fi yet.

-e

Posted by eviljack in reality at 12:05 AM

March 08, 2007

ban gardasil before it's too late

i just downloaded what apparently amounts to a sloppy, steaming dish of trojan diarrhea.

the good news is, my nifty virus scanner actually did it's job and said "no".

but immediately i realize the danger of what just happened: i suddenly feel liberated! free to download and run any piece of internet slop with my newfound confidence in protection. it was like a flashback to 1960, the birth control pill was just approved by the FDA, and i want to fuck the brains out of every skank i meet.

texas is the answer: ban gardasil before it's too late.

-e

Posted by eviljack in reality at 10:33 PM

February 09, 2007

in the name of

belief is a wonderful thing - it's just that most of its organizations have ruined it.

-e

Posted by eviljack in random at 11:15 PM

February 03, 2007

for the nineties nastalgist

to be fair, the switchfoot album isn't bad - better than you think it will be, at least. it's as if that guy from the fray had balls and a band that also wrote music. but anyone looking there would have a better bet on the new (old) army of anyone cd. even some cool drumming on a rock album, for a change.

-e

Posted by eviljack in random at 08:27 PM

November 16, 2006

twisted city

the problem with new york is, nothing can ever be just simple and good, because there isn't enough of that to go around. so instead, everything that seems to be what you should want is actually something evil.

but simple and good things are boring.

-e

Posted by eviljack in reality at 11:49 PM

October 02, 2006

american weddings

now that you're getting married, you must endure a very important activity: RANK YOUR FRIENDS. that's right, everyone you've ever known -- stack rank.

and then the best part. the top male and female must be recognized as the most superior and important of all friends. a small group of almost-as-good friends will be declared special and must buy clan outfits so ugly you are ensured they will never wear them again. (clearly these special friends came with the caveat of fucking you over in some way; they must be punished.) beyond this point in your list, everyone shall be banished unto a second-class citizen purgatory whereby NO SPECIAL ACKNOWLEDGMENTS MAY BE MADE.

to all whom have made the cut: huzzah! secret parties! special honors! crappy speeches! may thou be the greatest of friends for all of time!

to everyone else: go fuck yourself!

-e

Posted by eviljack in reality at 10:10 PM

June 22, 2006

organic, organic, organic

you want to kill yourself, i'll sell you food for cheap. you want to be healthy -- now that'll cost you.

is this survival of the fittest, or survival of the richest?

-e

Posted by eviljack in reality at 11:55 PM

March 22, 2006

matt pond pa

ok, we get it - we're all here because you are a good songwriter, and you have some good songs, and your voice is ok - we understand that you work your ass off, and you're fucking beat, and you haven't got a good night's sleep in 3 weeks, and so on, and so forth. now if only you weren't a fucking drama queen, we'd actually feel some sympathy.

-e

Posted by eviljack in reality at 12:50 AM

January 12, 2006

will wrestle you for food

i decided to open a bank account for once in my life and get free atm, billpay, and all that other crap that everyone other than me already has.

the banker told me that i need to show a proof of residence, "like an electric bill", to open an account, which obviously i carry around with me on a regular basis. i asked him what they would do if a homeless person wanted to open an account. he replied "what would a homeless person want with a bank account?" ... i don't know, maybe, save money to BUY A HOME?

and by the way, every person that says "curb your enthusiasm is the greatest show on tv since seinfeld!" should be permanently condemned to jersey, where they will live the rest of a miserable life that makes them happy.

-e

Posted by eviljack in reality at 11:47 PM

October 31, 2005

people to dislike

those people that say "you're pouring out the good stuff!" when you ditch the nasty culture juice off the top of your yogurt.

-e

Posted by eviljack in reality at 10:36 PM
Recent Entries
ah, home

losers of yesterday, meet losers of today: just like you, only different

o.m.g.

credit crisis 2008

your names are dumb

x300

geezer plays footy but it's all pants

minority report

two days after the worst shooting in u.s. history ever

good bad and queen

a win for the free market

ban gardasil before it's too late

in the name of

for the nineties nastalgist

twisted city

american weddings

organic, organic, organic

matt pond pa

will wrestle you for food

people to dislike

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